... I Just Don't Feel Like Growing Up

If you've ever thought about packing up the car and taking off for places you've never seen, well, you can do it! Of course, this involves quitting your job, moving to another state and living off of your savings (and answering your parents' questions on "When exactly do you plan on growing up?") but it's healthier than trying out for Survivor and less likely to give you a transmissible disease than sleeping with a 21 year old unemployed musician (mmm... drummers). Anyway, this blog is about my upcoming Western States/Parks road trip in May 2011. If you have input, insight, advice, or have an extra couch and washer/dryer which you would enjoy being occupied by a smelly, semi-homeless 37 year old woman, then I'd like to hear from you!

Friday, March 25, 2011

It turns out that unmarried people don't hike


The books for the trip arrived. I had planned on putting off booking/planning most of the camping until I received National Geographic’s “Guide to the National Parks”. All of the reviews on Amazon said that this book was incredibly helpful, so perhaps my expectations were a bit inflated. This book would be better named “A Guide to Driving Through the National Parks”. Seriously. It lists, in loving detail, the best DRIVES through each park, including such snippets as “If you have time, the 0.8 mi trail to Asymmetric Poop Spire is lovely”, but mostly ignores even the most popular hikes.  Of the campgrounds, it has merely a passing mention (as in “oh yeah, there are a few campgrounds here, but seriously? You need to get a hotel room or something, Missy Penny-Pinches O’lot. Can’t have you stinking up all of nature, now go take a shower.”) 

I know, perhaps I was expecting too much. In his fabulously entertaining book A Walk in the Woods, Bill Bryson(incidentally, one of my favorite authors) mentions that only 3% of visitors to Shenandoah National Park go more than a few yards into the “backcountry”. If you were a writer, why on earth would you pitch a book for that measly 3% when there is that lovely 97% with their lovely discretionary income? Clearly, this calls for investigation.

The two most visited parks last year were Blue Ridge Parkway (which you drive along) in North Carolina and Virginia and the Golden Gate National Recreation Area (in which you drive over a large bridge) in California with each hosting more than 15 million visitors. Overall, national parks attendance increased from 200 million in 1979 to almost 300 million at a high in 1999. Last year, that number was 285 million people.

However, finding actual stats on the number of visitors who drive up, have a look around, take a pee in the Visitors Center and drive off again versus those that actually go somewhere (on foot, gasp!) is very difficult. One article assessing leisure activities in national parks cites: “The 10% of respondents (to the study) who said that they did not go outdoors for recreation generally were poor, unmarried, old, or physically or mentally disabled.” Glad to know I’m in such good company. So where does one draw the line for “backcountry” use? Does the person who completes an immensely popular 0.5 mile loop count? What if you do 7 miles, but also on a very popular, maintained trail? Does that count?

One of the best articles I found, on linear regression models of attendance related to weather in Austrian National Parks stated this: “The regression trees based on meteorological data and the day of the week also work well for daily totals and bikers, slightly less so for hikers. The model quality was again much worse for smaller visitor groups as dog walkers and joggers. The most elaborate relationship between meteorological data and visitor numbers was found for hikers, whereas joggers appear to be completely oblivious to weather.” I know this has nothing to do with the matter at hand, but I found it amusing that the word “oblivious” would show up in the abstract. And this post is risking become thought-provoking and preachy, so I’ll just stop here.

In any case, it looks as if I’ll be using my gift certificate to Barnes and Noble (thanks, SVECCS!) to buy some books on day hikes.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Books are on the way... and the last week of work!

Good stuff is happening this week - it's my last week of work (thus the no posting for the last month.. busy). I'm still in planning for the big ole GTFO party this weekend. Some of my friends are getting a replica of this cake for me, and potentially some male strippers dressed like policemen ("Oooo, officer, yes I have been such a bad girl..."). Okay, so I'm mostly excited about the cake.



One person mentioned that the last male stripper they hired was slathered in vanilla scented lotion. Really? Since when do male strippers aspire to smell like cupcakes?

I picked up two books for the road trip: Road Trip USA and National Geographic's Guide to the National Parks. Turns out there's a thing called the America the Beautiful Pass, which allows you access to all of the national parks for a year. It costs $80, so I'll have to decide if it's worth purchasing, especially since I plan on visiting 8 or so parks.

  If anyone knows of a good source for diners/restaurants/taco trucks along the way, let me know!